What Dating and Domestic Violence Looks Like
Abusive behaviors can take many forms. The following information will focus on abuse between intimate partners (dating, living together, or married). If you are dealing with abuse in another kind of relationship, some of this information may still be useful, but there are additional resources on- and off-campus that can help you.
Physical abuse is any act or behavior that inflicts or is intended to inflict injury or pain. Examples of physical abuse include when a person:
- pushes, slaps, punches, kicks, chokes, bites or shoves you
- throws objects at you or uses a weapon against you
- prevents you from getting medical or mental health care
- abandons you in a dangerous place.
Emotional, verbal, and mental abuse is any act or behavior used to diminish a person’s sense of worth or self-esteem. Emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse in intimate relationships. Examples of emotional abuse include when a person:
- threatens to harm your family or possessions
- deprives you of money, affection, sleep, or attention
- harasses you at work
- demeans, belittles, embarrasses, insults, or ridicules you
- isolates you from your family, friends, personal time, or other interests
- threatens suicide or self-harm
- criticizes you sexually
- brags to you about sexual experiences with previous partners
- has affairs with others when you’ve agreed to a monogamous relationship
- makes derogatory comments about your physical appearance.
Sexual abuse is when one person uses sex/sexual activity to control or humiliate another person. Examples of sexual abuse include when a person:
- rapes you
- forces you to participate in unwanted sexual acts, including sexual acts with others
- has affairs with others when you’ve agreed to a monogamous relationship
- pressures you to be sexual through verbal/emotional coercion.
The Power and Control Wheel
The behaviors associated with relationship abuse all stem from one person’s use of power and control over another. The Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minn., developed a power and control wheel [pdf] that illustrates these relationships.
The cycle of abuse in relationships
Relationship abuse can occur in a cycle. However, abuse may not include all phases listed or may include them in a different order.
