Dating and Domestic Violence: Understanding the Basics
Abuse can be done by anyone, to anyone, at any time.
The only thing that is almost always true is that the abuser is someone very close to you. It is hard to understand why someone that you love or loved, or someone who loves or loved you, would hurt you so much. For these and other reasons, abuse is often hard to recognize and deal with.
“My partner can’t possibly be abusive.”
Many people do not recognize the early warning signs of abuse in a relationship. Abuse can begin with small events, such as with threats, derogatory remarks, or excessive jealousy.
However, it is important to know that abuse usually escalates. Although the abuse may begin with behaviors like name-calling or threats of violence (e.g., punching a fist through a wall, destroying objects), it can escalate to more intense physically, emotionally, verbally and/or sexually abusive acts. The abuse can become life-threatening.
“It was just one time.”
Abuse in intimate relationships is also complicated by the love and loyalty you may feel toward your partner. You might wonder if a partner’s behavior is simply an “isolated event” or want to excuse a partner’s actions as being due to “too much alcohol” or a “hard day.” It is important to remember that an act is abusive if it causes someone to feel threatened or violated even once.
“Maybe it’s my fault.”
A person who uses abusive tactics often blames the victim for provoking the abuse. Fear and intimidation by your partner can make you afraid to leave. Remember, your partner is the one who has chosen to be abusive. As the victim, abuse is never your fault.
